'Cured' by Doug Naylor

On the mining ship Red Dwarf, Rimmer watches in exasperation as Lister tries to teach Cat how to play Poker properly. Detecting a space station, the gang coerce Starbug into starting up and then set off to investigate; they soon arrive at a moonbase, a United American Scientific Research Station. Seeing an opportunity to find tech to repair Starbug, the Dwarfers land on the base just as a sandstorm sweeps in, preventing them from leaving. Kryten determines that the station was testing a cure for evil, sending Rimmer into a panic at the prospect of finding wall-to-wall crazies. The lads find a lab with cryo-tubes containing Vlad the Impaler, Joseph Stalin, Messalina, Adolph Hitler and Rupert Murdoch - all but one (the fat mogul!) allegedly cured. Further investigation shows that the scientists on the base tracked down the descendants of these psychopaths, then used mitochondrial DNA to recreate and cure them. The Dwarfers then meet Professor Telford, the wheelchair-bound head of the base, who was resuscitated from cryo-sleep when the gang arrived; he tells them that the others will awake soon too… The professor throws a dinner party for his guests, allowing Hitler, Stalin, Messalina and Vlad to demonstrate their reformation. Telford explains that the other scientists were eliminated by a special task force, after United America realised the cure for evil would cause economic and social disaster; Telford and his patients managed to survive, and have been marooned on the moon ever since. The Red Dwarf gang are uncomfortable at spending time with former dictators and mass-murderers; but then Cat becomes indignant when Messalina doesn’t fancy him, and Lister is caught up in an electric guitar soft-rock jam session with Hitler. When Kryten brings news that a proto-planet will collide with the moon in less than ten hours, the gang resolve to finish their work on Starbug’s thrusters and scarper as soon as the sandstorm clears, and debate whether to leave Telford and ‘the Evils’ behind; but then Lister and Cat collapse from the dinner party’s drugged food, Kryten’s systems are hacked and shut down, and Rimmer’s light bee is deactivated… Rimmer reactivates to find himself buried alive in a box which then catches fire; elsewhere, Lister awakes strapped to a gurney and threatened with automatic castration, Cat comes to in a water-filled tube, and Kryten reboots as just a head stuck on a mop pole. After cutting himself free, Lister finds Kryten’s headless body wandering the corridors, and helps reassemble him; together they rescue Cat from drowning, and then free Rimmer from the waste disposal chute. The gang confront Hitler, Stalin, Vlad and Messalina, but they insist that they have been framed for the attempted murders. Kryten uses a psychopathy scanner to find out who hasn’t really been cured – but when the results print out, the psychopath is revealed as Cat! Then another psycho is displayed: Professor Telford, who promptly appears brandishing a gun and minus his wheelchair. The professor makes Hitler and the others leave – the ‘cured psychos’ were actually droid psychiatrists, and Telford was their patient, a former United America psychiatrist and psychopath. Unable to start Starbug, the evil professor offers Cat the opportunity to be his pilot, and then prepares to kill Lister, Rimmer and Kryten. Torn between his friends and the chance to live, Cat sides with the professor and agrees to kill the others – then shoots Telford dead. As the gang make a hasty exit, a smug Cat points out how good his Poker Face was…


Chris Barrie (Arnold J. Rimmer), Craig Charles (Dave Lister), Danny John-Jules (Cat), Robert Llewellyn (Kryten), Adrian Lukis (Professor Telford), Ryan Gage (Hitler), Chloe Hawkins (Messalina), Callum Coates (Stalin), Philipe Spall (Vlad the Impaler)

Directed by Doug Naylor

Produced by Richard Naylor and Kerry Waddell
Executive producers Simon Lupton, Henry Normal and Doug Naylor
Co-produced by Baby Cow Productions and Grant Naylon Productions for Dave / UKTV

TX: (Dave)
12th October 2017 @ 9:00 pm

Notes:
*Featuring Dave Lister, Arnold Rimmer, Cat and Kryten

*Although this epsiode was scheduled for television broadcast on the 12th October 2017, it was released a week earlier for 'on demand' audiences via the UKTV Play platform

*Working title: 'Here No Evil'